.true zero

.true zero - originally written October 16, 2022

Recently, I was listening to this conversation with Pastor Stephen Chandler, moderated by Anthony O’Neal, titled “Stop Waiting for Permission”. The conversation “perked my ears” once he started talking about this idea called “true zero” (it was interesting before but THIS genuinely blew my mind). 

He started by talking about how we are all born in the “negatives”. “The negatives?” I found myself puzzled, but simultaneously had so many questions answered. Then, I thought about my home. 

Growing up, my home was filled with projections + deflections from shadow/core wounds/childhood trauma. Generational curses being planted in my house, placing expectations on me to be someone and live somewhere that I did not believe I was meant to be. I was constantly in a warfare with my father, that ultimately led me to a war of self. As a result, this caused me to constantly find a way “out”. For 24 years of my life, I had been in escape + flight mode - looking for where I could exist, live, breathe, and walk in my unique truth. Forget the fact that I had dreams and aspirations outside of desperately desiring to walk in my day-to-day truth. For me, this felt like using constant mental energy and “emotional weapons” to fight my way through a jungle of negatives to get to my true zero - my true beginning, where I would have been born had there been no conditioning, no societal expectations, no generational curses, and more. 

For 24 years, I felt (my body felt and communicated to me, not my mind) out of alignment. I so desperately wanted to feel aligned and present, amidst my bad days and rough weeks (I envied that in others). I wasn’t in search of it, or him, or that; I was in search of the beginning of my life’s journey/my starting line. Because it is when we find our true zero, that we unlock the door to begin our life’s purpose. We become new, born new, born again, rebirthed.